One Dish at a Time: How Your Full Sink Is Training You For Labor

I’m standing at my sink again washing another bowl again in the sink that is full of dishes again. This chore is really a blessing, because we have kids to feed and the money to feed them. But, honestly, after feeding my cute, always hungry five kiddos their mac and cheese and applesauce… it has left me with a pot, 10 bowls to wash (I mean come on, is applesauce really so gross in a bowl with mac and cheese residue?!), 5 spoons (not 6 because I haven’t gotten to eat yet), breakfast dishes that I hadn’t gotten to yet and ONE weary-worn-down-just-doing-the-next-thing-to-care-for-my-family-momma. 

Now, in the grand scheme of things, dishes are not that hard. However, after you’ve been meeting the needs and demands of all that comes with five kids, I’m kinda over the dish thing. But no joke, the Jordan Sparks song “One Step at a Time” pops into my head and I cleverly change the lyrics to match the situation I find myself in… “One dish at a time, there’s no need to rush…”. 

Well, isn’t this just how life can be sometimes? We find ourselves in many moments throughout our day where we tell ourselves, “let’s just get this next thing done” and would you believe it, it’s 9:30pm and you’re snuggled under your covers and think “wow, I did it! Another day completed!”. Probably with a sink full of dishes waiting for you in the morning.

I find labor to be a lot like the daily grind of life and parenthood. When that contraction hits, it feels hard and insurmountable but you sway, breathe through it. Maybe your partner does some hip squeezes, and in 1 minute's time, it’s over and you have a break where you can hype yourself up for the next one. Just like when I’m at my sink doing the dishes - one bowl down, 9 more to go! One contraction down, who knows how many more to go… but we can count on it eventually being over at some point! One contraction at a time and you make it through to the end where you get the precious gift of holding that sweet little baby. But it’s not a labor without love. The greatest things in life, I’ve learned, are the hardest. But let’s remember, hard doesn’t mean something is bad - it’s just hard! One step at a time and we will walk, sway or squat it to completion. Parenthood is not as finite as labor, so it begs from us a mental fortitude to keep doing that next thing required of us, day in and day out.

The birthing process is proven to be more successful (in a variety of ways) when the mother feels supported, heard, encouraged and cared for. So is life! We can’t parent alone. We need a community to support us when that “contraction hits” and life gets hard. We need those people to reach out, look us square in the eyes and say “You can do this. One more. Let’s just make it through one more.”

As a doula, there’s typically a moment with my client where I see doubt begin to creep its way up, the pain feels too unbearable, or there’s a sense of her losing control over the situation - I look her in the eyes and remind her that “she can!”. I’ve seen that same look in life with my friends. Encouragement is sometimes all we need to keep doing the thing we are already rocking out! Yes, we may be tired, but we are strong. 

It really is a beautiful moment to watch the power and strength of a woman in labor. After all of that work, when that sweet little bundle is in her arms, she smiles and knows she can and she did. It leaves a lasting impression in her mind and when she walks through another hard thing, her brain already knows “I can, and I will”. 

If we come to life with that same mentality, we will be able to make it to the other side of this parenthood journey, marked with hard times for sure - but the knowledge to know we can - one step at a time.